Category: the Rant Board
Hello, My now ex GF has been more less been blasting me on here. First that isn't
cool at all. Second, I believe my side should be heard.
I would glad to shed some light on the entire issue since I'm the boyfriend. Seems
since I haven't been on here for awhile. Trisha T has been busy here. So the short
story is as follows. We have a son. The fact that I work a blue collar job tires me
out. That on top of she has to have our son in our full size bed, which left no room
for me. So I slept on the couch. Besides the job, only stuff I would do is errands like
the laundry mat. Also Sunday nights I would play dominoes at my cousins. Trisha
does play dominoes and my cousin and her dislike each other. After we moved to a
much nicer home in a way nicer area. All thanks to me working to part-time jobs.
Some days I worked 12 hour days. When I would be available away from earning
money, I was with my gf and son. Except for playing dominoes as my only social
interactions. Trisha finds an internet love interest on playroom. They became secret
BF and GF starting in August 2016. While telling me she loved me and yet distancing
herself. Even though she had been so well since becoming a first time mother, she
went down hill. Even to the point of neglecting him. I had noticed her talking way to
much to that guy and the neglect. So we had plenty of fights. I found out about the
secret BF and our relationship ended the day day before Halloween. I had to get my
son to a safe enviroment. He had not gained weight in months and constantly had
diaper rash. Plenty of other people have noticed about possible neglect. There was
one night after work, I got some grocceries and came to her sleeping in bed all
covered up. While Marshall was running around trying to eat a piece of glass cup he
had found. Her life was and still focused on her online social life. As the father whom
always wanted and had the means for a child that was horrifing. This is coming from
the only person that believed she could and would be a good mother. Parenting and
committed relationships require team effort. She played selfishly. So now our family
is broken and she makes it all out to be my fault. No I'm not perfect. Though I would
be nice if Trisha T. would take on her share of responsibility instead of that being
majority on me.
Also she had a secret physical/sexual interaction (while in a relationship me) with a
friend of mine the both lied about it for months.
So now I wish That I could escape the still constant secret stuff and the lies. Seems
like every so often I learn more about the lies and and secret stuff.
Yet I love her. All I would want is my little family back together and happy and
healthy. That is all but a pipe dream though.
Why not buy a bed for the son? Just a question?
I am deeply disturbed. I wish I could say for certain what exactly disturbs me. Is it the post? Is it the fact that I checked out the post in the first place? I'm not sure but oh shit what a mess.
To Forereel:Marshall always had a bed. Before He had been born, I had made a huge
list to check off. Needless to say, that list was completed way before birth. She had to
fight me to let him sleep in our bed. I gave into argument.
To Margorp: try being me, and yes what a damn mess. What is sad is, there is more
details. those details would make your head explode. No need to have brains
splattered though out the Zone.
Well, at least you're not bitter about it.
But a young man that works 12 hours 76 days a week is going to have a difficult time holding down a relationship. It isn't a life.
Npo, I am not saying you're wrong, just as you see, it isn't going to work.
If you read the other board, you'll know exactly what I thought about your lady.
She's not ready, and I guess you aren't either for a child.
Sorry I meant 6 days a week.
Bad typing.
If you're going to work like that, you need a girlfriend, or a women, not a child if you understand me.
She went to your friend, because well, you weren't home enough. No fun. Kind of a boring life for people so young.
She is not mature enough I'd say.
There is no excuse for cheating, especially when a man is trying to provide for his family.
I've had concerns about this child from the first post I ever read about him. I feel sorry for him, honestly. I hope he is somewhere safe where he can get the care he needs to thrive.
I certainly agree with that.
Frankly, this really just drives the point home that almost no one is a reliable narrator, so to speak.
Unless I was in the situation seeing it first-hand, I wouldn't know what to trust at this point. I maintained that hasty/bad choices were made, and I still feel that way. I still think there may be fault in basically all quarters. It doesn't matter to me.
I care about the child. I want him to be all right. I hope he isn't being raised by the people who were trying to claim it's okay to spank a toddler, much less anyone at all. That's just trading one set of bad parenting for another.
well Marshall will be back home when I have the day care part figured out. Day care is
expensive. There is family that says they can watch him while I am at work. There is
one that is near by that is quite nice.
I have been ready for a child. I was just not expecting this mess. By the way I only
been working 30 hours a week. I spent plenty of time at home. If she didn't want to
leave the house much or could not come up with anything she would like to do. That is
on her. If being a parent got to hard for her, every new parent goes through the
loneliness. Doesn't mean that creating a mess of your life is ok.
I think that Shepherdwolf took those thoughts right out of my head. Who created the drama and why is not important at all any more in my opinion. . Without having known both parties really well, I couldn't submit an intelligent opinion anyway. My heart breaks for that innocent child that, through no fault of his own, has neither parent to look out for his safety and well-being. So I hope for the sake of the child that you, Crazy I's, really love your precious son enough to make better choices for him in the very near future.
No it doesn't. I am disgusted.
Ah, okay 30 hours wasn't bad at all. I assumed you worked 12 hours daily for 6 days.
So, you can't use the 12 hour days. It doesn't matter. She as I've stated on her post isn't grown enough yet.
A man needs a "woman" and if not, then she's only good as a girlfriend.
When you are ready for a child, you see to it even when she doesn't.
That might mean you've got to quit and stay home with it and let her go, but that is difficult I understand.
You can't blame the child issues only on her.
Sure, you left her to cover that department, but when she wasn't, well, the man has to do something about it.
That might mean getting a "woman" but it has to be done.
Maybe your mom as she stated in her post would take up the slack.
Yes, I know, he's her child too, gbut a parent is required.
A parent for both her and your son if that is the life you want.
I do absolutely understand your love for her no matter what, so don't get me wrong.
I'm grateful that we're able to hear the other side of this story. Thanks for sharing it with us. Even though I would agree with the thought that it doesn't matter insofar as the fact that Marshall is here, it's nice to know that you are trying to do what's right by him. At least from the looks of things, you seem to be the adult who is and has been responsible in this situation.
For a several months I had worked 2 jobs so I did have 12 hour days. The cash was
nice but I got to worn down. My schedule varied by certain days of the week. So
now that the we are through all that big mess. my big problem right now has two
fronts. First, to create a possible future of emotional stability and financial
assurance, I might have to do some stuff that I believe is kind of "too far". Second,
She keeps having too much secret stuff. I feel like she is playing a emotional game.
The clock is ticking on here current decisions. My decisions have to reflect hers. In
the mean time, Marshall's world was turned upside down.
I'm under plenty of preasure to be the only adult. Yet She and the two people that
she has hanging out everyday at (currently) our home, treat me with no respect. I
wish I knew how to explain that part well. At this point, I just wish she would grow
up. Her focus is lost on her online social life. plus I'm tired of only half the story
being spread by her. The last thing I need is my reputation to have a scar by her
choices that broke up our family. I'm just tired want peace.
yeah, it sucks to have a broken up relationship, and each person has a side. sorry things are not as you'd like them to be.
and this spanking thing is ridiculous. I do spank my daughter's butt. not for little bad things, little bad things are smacks on hands. but when she does things, that I've said no thousands of times, there is a smack on the butt.
but before anyone flips out and tries to pull the cps card, here's my thing. you do not, I repeat, do not spank a one year old the way you spank your five year old. huge difference, most of the time she won't even cry at the spanking. usually the crying if it happens is because she knows I'm really upset. I believe in spankings, it put me and my siblings in line. but we all have different views. now, spanking with your hand is all I'll do. your not going to say, "I didn't know I smacked too hard" reason being, if your hand hurts after it, you went too far... unless that's my sixteen yoar old being a jack ass lol.
belts I will and do not use. wouldn't even do that to my five year old, much less one... just made it soud like I had two kids, only have one. either way, spankings by hands I approve of
Like Jodeci, I believe there is a time and a manner for spanking. Though Marshall has
not been spanked. when gets into trouble I correct him. If he throws a tantrum, He has
to sit and stay seated until He is done. I've spanked kids before. That is how those kids
parents discipline them. If I babysit those kids then I will try at least making them in
the corner first.
Otherwise Marshall is well. despite the mess, A happy and health little boy. Also damn
smart, takes after me. not even 2 and knows colors and some letters. we work on
counting all the time.
Smacking or spanking are both things I disagree with. I was raised with that and to tell you the truth it doesn't even work.
Standing in the corner of a room for 20 minutes is more effect than spanking. Though
that all depends on the parent and child. Spanking is not even an issue here. Nobody
has spanked my son yet. Unless you have to apply discipline on a daily basis to your
child, then don't worry about that kind of issue here. This topic is actually about the
fact that I was being talked bad about by somebody that kept her bad stuff a secret.
I'm just letting people know that there is more to that story. Also how upsetting it is
that this has happened and still current. The fact that She hasn't want me to talk to
people about all this, cause I won't hold back. Then I'm finding out about all the people
she has told and post in a public area. While only making me out to be some shitty
person. I would love to blast everything, I just know that isn't right to do.
we all have different opinions. I was raised most of my life with spankings. I learned real quick. and to me a smack is different from a spank. Also, I don't agree with being spanked or smacked for everything.
standing in the corner isn't realistic to me as far as my child goes. she's too young to understand that she's needing to be in the corner for lets say climbing behind the couch. everytime she tries, now I give her a smack on the butt, she pouts and walks off. it must be working because instead of her doing it daily, I only have to correct her once in a good while.
Spank the girl.
You come home and things aren't right, bend her over your knee.
JK.
Seriously, someone has to be the adult, if you don't have that, all falls.
Now, how much you want to put in to it depends, but on the sons behalf, don't give him up. Stick with him even if you have to go to court to do it.
That is a man.
Let's stay away from the child rearing topic because it'll be like a lit match in a powder keg. I just hope the kid is safe.
Oh wow, what a mess! I hope Marshall is safe, and you don't deserve that
kind of treatment.
As far as child rearing, I do agree that spanking is not very effective. I
was spanked when I was younger, mostly by my dad. For a toddler, 20
minutes is too long for time out. It should be however many minutes
depending on their age. For example, put one year olds in time out for 1
minute, two year olds for 2 minutes, three year olds for 3 minutes, etc. If
time out is too long, the child won't even remember why they were they
there in the first place as they don't have a long attention span. Then it
will be less effective if they don't remember why they were there in the
first place. Also it's good to not consider time out as necessarily a bad
thing; just to give the child a bit of a break until they calm down.
Ugh just smh! I loveboth of you, but this shit is wrong! I went to school with her. The childhood she had, she is the last person I would have expected to be a parent! I did have respect for her until I heard what you just told me.
Spanking always straighten me out. Takes less time then the time out.
I and my kids understood if you acted good, you'd never get spanked nor a time out or anything else but love and fun.
People should still be respectful to her. This is me correcting some details. Also I just want to people to know that there is more to her story and how I deserve respect.
There is a big, big difference between spanking on the bottom and hitting all over the body to inflict pain and/or injury. Never, never should a spanking be delivered with anything other than a hand. In my opinion, little ones under the age of 4 should not be spanked at all. Ocasionally, a light swat on the hand or bottom might be required to correct them, but certainly not hard enough to cause pain.
Just saw your post Crazy I's after I posted. You're right. Trashing each other will not fix anything or undo the events that have already occurred. Glad you have taken the opportunity to share your side of the story to restore your dignity and respect. Now that you have set the record straight, I hope that you will immediately focus on doing what's right and best for your son. After all, you are the only protection and security for him. It's a big responsibility, but well worth all the work in the end.
Yeah. As far as the spanking thing goes, there's a huge difference between spanking and beating.
Spanking, which is to say a swat on the butt with a hand, is dubious but not monstrous, particularly if not overused. I don't love it, but I don't demonize those who have done it or those who condone it. Psychologically it rarely works as well as people think it does, and there are methods which can and will work better. So in that light, it's a potentially workable method of discipline with a couple of hangups.
Beating is an absolute no-no. No questions asked.
I wouldn't spank a child if I had one. I might swat a hand if, say, they were reaching for something dangerous, but that's as much to startle them away, and I'd probably grab the hand instead of slapping it. Frankly, I have known a lot of parents who spanked their kids from time to time, and most of those kids turned out all right. This doesn't mean it doesn't have its issues, but it's probably not the child-destroying discipline tactic some would have you believe.
I've also known a lot of parents who get into a kid's face and yell. To me, this is arguably worse than spanking, as it often elicits fear. Firmness is needed, but if you have to out-and-out yell in your child's face, I daresay you're doing it wrong.
But yeah. The rest of this topic, outside the child-rearing stuff, seems to be mostly fluff. I care about the child. I don't care about the rest of it.
I want is to act like responsible adults. blasting me on public forum, having whisper
secret conversations and treating me without respect online and at home... not my
idea adult behavior. That is the current stuff. With the current comes the fresh past of
secrets, cheating and neglect. All I have done at this point was try to keep track of the
mess and try to keep my little family good. Maybe I work too much for few months.
Maybe I pushed Trisha to explore herself and be more. Also maybe I got upset cause I
had to much responsibility. So that means that all the mess is an appropriate
punishment. I think not, nobody is perfect. We all make mistakes, that's life. I've
forgiven her for all that. Usually I don't put my business out there. Though I will not
allow anyone to slander my name.
All I'm going to say, is you both have your problems with the other. Usually, the truth is somewhere in the middle. I'm sorry you've been hurt, and that your son has, as well.
My suggestion is, pick up the pieces, and move on.
I think the mistake is, this relationship's problems are being talked about on the internet, by both parents. My concern is, how will that effect what happens in your personal lives?
Blessings,
Sarah
My personal life has been effectively altered. Due to
social media, everybody knows everyone. My reputation
among online has people in the real world knowing half a
story. Which paints a farely awful concept. At this point, I
end up in a deep depression. Concepts like "not sure if
Crazy I's loves his son" has been posted. Before more
wrong concepts are thought of, I got to at least defend
myself.
Yes, I understand that defending your reputation and setting the record straight is very important to you. But you did it already on here and I, for one, accept your side of the story as plausible and acknowledge that you are a sincere and caring father. So please, get on with the most important business at hand, which is taking care of your son. Realize that sometimes the negative consequences of poor judgement and decisions cannot be undone with one magic sweep. That's the reality of life that experience has taught me with some poor choices and decisions I have made. Forgive yourself and accept that you are a good man doing your best to navigate the complicated twists and turns of everyday living. Once you do this, what other people think of you will be less important to you and your own opinion of yourself will be what defines who you really are. Justifying yourself to others will no longer be necessary. Drowning in drama doesn't fix anything.
But what I've not heard you say is you're going to do something about your sons life as to his upbringing.
It is fine for you to want your little family back together, but that includes the girl.
I understand love, and your need of her as I've pointed out, but what about the boy?
Social media, or whatever might bother you, but what are you gonna do about him?
Let me add that you could say you aren't up to the responsibility, so won't accept it. I'd have to give you points for understanding that, but how about fixing it so he could be with someone that could?
He doesn't need to explain. As lalady said he needs to roll on and keep doing the right thing.
I've been in a passingly similar situation before (nothing to do with parenting though, thank god). What I've come to understand is that there are going to be people on both sides of any situation who believe the person they're closer to, or people who act out of outrage and protectiveness and all that jazz. There is and always will be a part of me that's incensed by this, particularly when I see anyone (no, not just me) get the short end of the stick. But past a certain point there's only so much you can do. This is why Lalady and I are in pretty much perfect agreement on this. You've had your say, and Trisha has had yours. Many people see you a certain way (good or ill) and further wrangling isn't apt to change that. Your responsibility is to your son, not to a bunch of people you don't know. The only way I can see that it matters is if the people who are treating you in a manner you deem unfair are people who have control of your life somehow.
What should matter to you, is what you think. Other people have their own views. As long as they just spout stuff, and don't make your life a nightmare, then let them think what they want.
A lot of the same people out here, judge me, because, I don't believe what they do. And, just because I believe one way, doesn't mean I fit that mold. Well, they can think what they want. I'm human, and have bitten heads off.
After all that, it's the quality of friends that matter, not the quantity. You got a load of Fareweather friends, they'll leave you, when you need them. True friends, though few, will stand by you. If you handle things right now, your son will respect you, when he's old enough to know what that word means.
I'm not saying I'm completely confident, but my confidence in myself, is growing stronger. And, so is my faith.
You and Trisha don't have to remain an item. But, once people see the both of you getting your acts together, why then, you will both gain respect of others.
You can tell me I'm wrong, and fine. I'm just voicing my opinion. Everyone you encounter, will have one.
I wish you my best.
Blessings,
Sarah
Right, he doesn't need to explain.
However, if he's saying he's having problems and drowning under the drama what if he let the drama go and started talking about.
Yesterday, I spoke to my mom, aunt, sister, cousin Jane, or I got Michael and myself a place at?
Sure, he'd like his girl, but if she's not working, his next thing would be to keep his family together meaning him and his boy.
Sorry, but the girls replaceable after a time if he needs that kind so support.
Plus, I understand a man needs a woman too, so.
I might seem nuts, but I expect a man to take on the same responsibility as a woman when it comes to a child they know belongs to them.
I don't believe a man can say, well, he's with his mother, so no matter what, all is okay.
On her board, she claims she'll be in the street soon, but he's not.
Okay, fine, she'd be in the street if we couldn't get along or fix things, but me and the boy would continue.
If I couldn't handle it, I'd need to admit that and set the boy up someplace I could visit him regularly and where he'd be fine.
She could visit us. It is just the situation turned over.
I've seen men do it too, so it is nothing new.
Maybe in time as he says, she'll get to where she'll be a good mother again, but for now unless he's willing to support her without the benefits, and I’ve seen men live with mothers of their child in this fashion, he’s got to cover the gap.
I’m sorry, but I just think a man can’t just complain about his girl and how she was, and should be and whatever as far as the child goes.
He can complain about the girl, but the child has nothing to do with that at all.
If she's not doing her job, and it is her job when he's away earning the living, he's got to get that job covered.
As for my sons needs, I had and still have a great plan for the next few years. Today I went and visited a daycare. I'm farely picky because the elementary school requires a certain IQ level. My current challenge is the cost of daycare in general. Happens to be that my network of people in the city is wide spread. So if I want to accomplish certain goals then my reputation online has a factor. In this point social media has an affect on real world networking. Some might believe I'm over worried, but if my sons education could suffer a little because of slander on the internet. Either way, we have gotten something worked out. Maybe my plan is back on track. A year ago, I found an good apartment in a good area that has everything my son would need til at least middle school. Be a team of parents is hard, a single parent is outragiously difficult to jungle. Anybody that accomplish it with flying colors has to be amazing. Hopefully this all turns out well. Trisha has the ability to be a good mom. She just needs to realize that being a parent requires a lot of effort. Also does relationships. We all have to communicate and try to support each other. My last post here in this topic is to say one thing. Time for a vacation.
Being a single parent isn't as hard as it seems.
Women are expected and criticized when they won’t take care of their offspring, but men get a pass.
That is wrong.
You’ve read her board, so you know what I’m talking about.
She has the cost and care too of day care, rent, and sending the child to school, so why not you?
If you’ve got a wide network on the social media, I’ll bet you could find something that would work.
Most kids grow up just fine when momma is home taking care of them without the day care, and they have the I Q to start school when it is time.
I’m not sure how social media can affect your son’s education. He doesn’t even know he’s talked about nor does it matter to him or his teachers when that time comes?
Social media is talking about you and your girl’s relationship, nothing more.
Sure, having two parents is ideal, but if it isn’t to be, I’d say a child in a home with lots of strife does worse than if he or she had a single parent and peace at home.
So, I guess I’m saying, if Trisha isn’t holding it down, then you should.
You visit the day care, but you steal expect Trisha to cover the rest and just do better.
Okay, I’ll leave it at that.
Fore reel’s talking shit, right? Nope. When my kids were, small I was in Trisha place and did the primary care givers part.
So, I know a man can do it.
We don’t have the frame in place anymore where girls were taught to be mothers and house keepers. If she were married to a man that was fair, and correct, not abusive, that man could demand she do her part.
Society, community, made her accountable just like social media.
He’d not need to argue about where the child slept because she’d simply follow his lead or be shamed.
If she wasn’t doing her part, he could just replace her without repercussions and the community would support him.
I teased about spanking the girl, but even that was allowed and expected, because the man was responsible for teaching his wife.
We, in some places are still responsible for what our spouses do, but the rest of that framework isn’t there.
Now, a man must put on his apron and be both momma and daddy, if it matters to him.
Lip service is just that, hot air. What a man does it what counts.
I’d bet money that your wide network of social media would respect you for putting on your apron and getting to it.
This seems to matter to you.
I agree with Wayne. I seriously doubt that educators and others in social media are spending any time at all reading these postings on this site or other such sites. You need to quit having a pity party and spend your extra time and energy focusing on your son, not on defending your reputation. Enough is enough.
Smile. Agreed.
For gods sake, it's the zone. Realistically it will not have a huge impact on your childs education, if any.
I'm going to be very direct, but I do mean this in the nicest way.
Get off this site, stop making excuses about social media, be the better person.
Raise your child with love and support, be the parent he deserves.
You can sit on here all day and tell us why you are a good person, and I don't doubt you. I don't doubt either of you. But there's more to life than what people on the zone think of you, especially when you have a child to care for.
Be there for him, always. Don't come back to tell me how you are, but she's ruining your reputation. I am nothing to you, I am just a stranger on the net. You don't have to justify anything to me. But when all you do is try and explain why you are such a good person, that's time you're not with your kid. He deserves the best, be that for him. Because one day he will be old enough to know what's going on, and you'll realise that in all the time you took trying to make people on the internet like you, a little boy was growing older and wondering why his parents were more concerned with themselves than him.
I echo the last few posters. When I first posted to this topic I did so because I thought the OP would just tell his side of this story and then leave things at that. However it seems like the exact opposite is true. Sorry dude but how anyone, be they stranger or people you know, sees you, should not matter to you one bit. You have a living breathing human being who is depending on you every day to provide for and love him. That living breathing human being is all that should matter to you. At the end of the day, he is the one who will suffer the most if you and his mother don't become the parents he so needs you to be.
It isn't just the Zone, but yes, it doesn't matter.
I do not see how creating this board topic makes you a better person. And it really does not do much to prove that your relationship is not abusive. You can place the blame on your girlfriend all you want, but there comes a point in time where you need to take responsibility for your own actions too. It seems like this is something neither one of you are willing to do.
Agreed.
Not on the abusive part. That I have no idea about.
Just either of them seems to be equipped to take care of the boy, or is saying they are going to do what is required.
Not his education, I'm talking his day to day life. Baths, feeding, loving, you understand.
She's being made too of course.
Even he thinks she needs to "just be a better mother."
She's getting slammed for not doing so, but he's not.
I agree with the last few posters. Neither parent seems to be willing or able to take responsibility for taking care of the child. Both seem to be more interested in finger pointing and creating drama than in creating a loving, healthy and safe home enviorenment for the child they created together. They are legally equally responsible for their son and yet seem to be competing still for which should be the less responsible parent. Shame on them both. Might be best if the child is placed in a foster home untilat least one of them is willing and able to accept responsibility.
I agree. Poor kid, that's all I can say.
I agree with post 54. While I may not agree with making the initial post I can at least understand why they did it. After that nothing is to be gained by comming back and posting more. If the situation is really that bad then the father should be attempting to get solo custity instead of spending time constantly defending his reputation on a site no one really cares about.